Unfit Girls Guide to Hiking Wilson’s Promontory (Mushroom Pie Included)

I had never even heard of Wilson’s Promontory until a colleague mentioned it in passing during the tail end of COVID. And then, because I am me, it took another three years to actually make the trip. Even then, only because Jik gifted it to me for my birthday last year.

We started our day early, the sky still dark, coffee in hand, climbing into the tiny purple van opposite Southern Cross Station. The same one I spot every time I walk to my office building. The first stretch of the drive to Wilson’s Promontory was me napping as we cruised down the highway. I don’t do well when woken up early in the morning, especially without enough sleep.

Eventually, I woke up to green paddocks of sheep, cows and horses. It was going to be a good day.

Mushroom Pie at Loch (IYKYK)

Our first stop was Loch, a tiny village that, as it turns out, has its own footnote in the mushroom murders saga (it’s where the death cap mushrooms were famously spotted growing under the oak trees). We stopped at Olive at Loch, a cafe named after the owners’ kombi van, where one half is a shop full of gardening bits, greeting cards and knick-knacks. I ordered the mushroom pie because pie is what you eat when you travel to a tiny town in Australia. The mushroom part was me, committing to the bit.

Wilson’s Promontory National Park

Once loaded up with non-poisonous mushrooms, we made our way to Wilson’s Promontory National Park for the hike. I guess it’s time to come clean that, admittedly, I didn’t start hiking in Australia, or hiking in general, until a few years ago. But for once, I am glad I didn’t overpack as I did on the Kumano Kodo pilgrimage, and I wore the right shoes.

The hike itself was long but good. Just what I needed, and a bit more than what I wanted.

We saw so much wildlife along the way. Kangaroos, wombats, birds, plus plants and mushrooms I couldn’t name but photographed anyway. Wilson’s Promontory is famous for exactly this: wildlife that wanders past you like you’re the exhibit.

Tea, I mean, Tidal River

The trail led us to Tidal River, which runs the colour of strong tea thanks to tannins from the surrounding tea trees. Standing there, I felt grateful to live in Australia, where the richness of wild, diverse nature is just a (purple) van ride away.

We then had a quick stop for a very Australian lunch of a chiko roll at the Tidal River general store, the park’s one-stop cafe, where we also wrote postcards to each other (our tradition) and bought a few fridge magnets as souvenirs. Because no Wilson’s Promontory pilgrimage is complete without deep-fried mystery filling.

Our last stop was Squeaky Beach, absolutely beautiful and breathtaking, where I pocketed a small shell (to add to my sea-shell-souvenir jar at home), before getting my shoes and socks wet by an unexpected wave, because, of course, I did.

With that, and cold feet, we wrapped up our Wilson’s Promontory day trip and made our way back to Melbourne for a hot shower, dry socks and Indonesian food takeaway.

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